Deal With Hurt And Anger In 3 Easy Steps

Have you ever been stood up, left behind, disregarded, neglected, let down, disappointed, lied to, or stolen from?

Have you ever felt mistreated, attacked, or in any other way wronged or harmed by your wife, kids, a friend, neighbor, stranger, an organization, system, industry, the government, or the world? 

How did that make you feel? How did you react? Did you withdraw to avoid confrontation? Did you retaliate to get revenge? What was the outcome? Are you still feeling attached, upset, and resentful? Are they? Did the relationship go sour, or perhaps end, as a result? Are you struggling to let go, move on, and get past it?

Perhaps, the real challenge isn’t letting all that shit go after it happens (although that would be great since it is in the past anyway). But, instead, not allowing yourself to get hurt and be upset in the first damn place. What I am talking about is The Art of True Forgiveness and how to practice it (imperfectly).

To do so, you must be willing to get past your ego and set aside your stories, judgments, and any feelings of righteousness. To grant freedom, being, and innocence to others, to yourself, to what has been and is being, said, and done—to what is and will be. This is the only way to real happiness, joy, love, satisfaction, and fulfillment (your True Purpose) in life and relationships. But how do you do that?

First, we have to consider what it REALLY means to forgive, and it probably isn’t what you have been taught and think it is. What if true forgiveness is NOT merely a response to some perceived wrongdoing or letting someone off the hook for some “sin” they have committed, but something much more?

The word “forgive” means “to give before” or “to give in advance.” Therefore, True Forgiveness is precognition in the creation of innocence; it is literally the vision and projection of perfect love and flawlessness, which becomes that which you subsequently perceive.

Yes, projection is perception and, if you want to be forgiven (to experience innocence, or freedom from judgment and condemnation), then you gotta practice forgiveness (or grant innocence).

Just imagine the renunciation of any and all stressful thoughts, stories, and complaints about others, your circumstances, the world, and life itself, no matter how valid or justified—the granting of innocence before offense. It seems like an impossible ideal, I know. But, what if it isn’t? What would it be like? And what would it make possible?

“What Is Forgiveness? Forgiveness recognizes what you thought your brother did to you has not occurred. It does not pardon sins and make them real. It sees there was no sin. And in that view are all your sins forgiven. What is sin, except a false idea about God’s Son? Forgiveness merely sees its falsity and therefore lets it go. What then is free to take its place is now the Will of God.”

~ACIM, Workbook for Students, pg. 945

It is a challenging practice and way of being in life, precisely because stressful thoughts tend to appear, along with the negative feelings they produce. And “those thoughts and feelings ARE valid and justified,” the ego insists.

You look around, feeling upset, and see that life appears to be tragic and filled with painful experiences and malevolent people. Furthermore, it seems as though the most injurious of people are those closest to you, and the most painful experiences occur in your most intimate relationships. 

So and so didn’t keep their promise, disappointed you, disregarded you, neglected you, misunderstood you, mistreated you, attacked you, abused you, hurt you. You have the right to feel the way you do! You need to defend yourself and protect what is yours, and they deserve to be punished for the suffering they have caused you! 

At the very least, they should know how badly they have wounded you and should feel as bad and wrong for it as you have judged them to be and see that they are. Why should you “take the high road,” why should you “let them off the hook,” why should you “absolve them of their sin and the consequences” for what they have “done to you”—why see them as innocent?

We have all been in a place of hurt, sadness, and anger, feeling “rightfully” like the victim of some infliction of evil or withholding of love—and it sucks. In the midst of it all, there seems to be no self-fulfilling way through and no escape. 

To be free, it seems that they must throw themselves on their sword and fix and change who they are and what they do, again and again, and again. They must undo the wrongs they have done and make things right for you. 

You are stuck, subject to the effect of others or, so it seems. Worse still, they seem to have moved on, back to enjoying life, oblivious to your affliction, and their fault in the matter. How DARE they! Who do they think they are?

Indeed life is tragic, and people are malevolent, including you and yours. 

But, holding on to stressful thoughts, stories, grievances, and the need to defend and punish that come along with such attachment, you will be at the mercy of other people, outside forces, and the world. 

As you read the previous statements, you may have identified with the very human thoughts, and experiences laid bare. Perhaps you even relived your own seemingly personal, but in reality quite common, ordeals—your longing desire for someone else or the world to be punished and suffer for your plight. You may have imagined the relief you would feel if they did. Doing so, you have shown a desire to exact revenge, wishing evil or harm to another, at least equivalent to that which you experienced, which is the very definition of malevolence. 

Wading deep in the pain and suffering, steeped in fear and guilt, and knowing no other way, you feel the need to unload the heavy burden, and inevitably you do—onto the uninvolved and innocent, as well as those you have incriminated and judged guilty. And, in all of this, if those who have harmed you, are indeed guilty, then so must you be. 

If it should be so easy for them to take responsibility for your freedom and peace, then should it be just as easy for you to take responsibility for theirs? Who could you be? What could you do? How could you break free of this vicious cycle? …in the face of such a tragedy? 

You could take responsibility for what you make things mean about others, your experiences, and the world, and therefore your results and impact. You could show a willingness to be a cause in the matter of your own thoughts, stories, and actions. Couldn’t you, if you were really committed?

Consider that people say what the say and do what they do, and life comes at you as it does, but ultimately you get to decide what it means, who to be, and what to do in response. In fact, nothing has any meaning until you bestow meaning upon it. Your freedom and your peace is no one else’s business or responsibility. Regardless of how you believe they have treated you, what you think they have done “to you,” or what you feel both they and you deserve. 

No one else is coming to heroically relieve you of your burdens or save you from your suffering. Your captivity and suffering are self-inflicted. You are your only savior, and through your own heroic thoughts and actions, your freedom and peace are also self-inflicted. 

Judgment and condemnation is not your function. Your only function—and pathway to real freedom and lasting peace—is the practice of True Forgiveness. 

It is to Awaken The Hero of your story from the dream of fear and guilt. And enter the reality that, “she is,” “he is,” “they are,” “life is,” “it is,” and YOU ARE, in any and every moment, only asking for love or offering love, and wholly innocent, always and forever. May you never forget it.

“If there is something to pardon in everything, there is also something to condemn.”

~Friedrich Nietzsche

Consider all aggressions and tragedies seemingly thrown at you from other people, the world, and life itself, to dodge, deflect, or defend against—be it physical stress and health problems, relationship stress and marital issues, financial stress and money problems, social stress and cultural problems, and, no matter how difficult or painful they seem—are really forgiveness opportunities in disguise.

Each is a “bread crumb” leading up the path on a journey home, where you may feel clear and connected, whole and complete, experiencing the weightless space of being the love you genuinely are. At least until the next “forgiveness opportunity” inevitably appears to challenge your convictions and commitments once again. 

In every moment of life and experience, you have the opportunity to choose a fearful response or a loving one. Of course, you will often choose fear as part of your learning process. But make it a practice to choose love more and more often, even with yourself, until it becomes habitual. 

“But how in the hell do I do that?” you ask. That’s a good question. 

To get you started, I will share a powerful three-step process that I have incorporated into my own Daily Rituals and practice, imperfectly. 

Fear and guilt are powerful feelings that can quickly turn into anger and even rage when unacknowledged and unchecked. The more you judge, condemn, and resist such feelings and the more you try to hide them away or kill them off, the bigger, louder, and more powerful they become. Until the dam finally breaks and floods your life, leaving a path of destruction behind, especially in your body and relationships. 

As French Philosopher de Chardin remarked, “you are a spiritual being having a physical experience,” which is mediated by thoughts and emotions. Said differently, fear and guilt, in all forms, can get stuck in the body (ever experienced an anxiety or panic attack?) as well as in mind (ever experienced a looping stressful thought or image?). 

Therefore, to truly forgive and release yourself from captivity, I recommend you begin by making a shift in the physical body (your physiology and biochemistry), and then the mental and emotional aspects (your thoughts and feelings). This is the way to accessing a clear and connected experience of yourself, with gratitude and appreciation for others and life, as they and it appear.

STEP 1

TRANSFORM EMOTION THROUGH FUEL AND MOTION

Foundationally, it is useful to acknowledge any physical imbalances you have, clean up your biochemistry, and get any “stuck energy” flowing through your body.

Some of the ways you can do that are by:

• Super-hydrating with structured alkaline water.
• Super-nourishing with mostly live, plant-based, enzyme-rich foods.
• And, regular daily sweat training. 

DRINK! EAT! MOVE! …REST and REPEAT!

By changing your biochemistry through diet and your physiology through regular exercise, you can change how you feel and react to stress long-term. But what if you need quick a “rescue therapy” when feeling stuck in some form of upset and negative emotion?

The good news is, that you can instantly change the way you feel just by changing the way you move, breathe, use facial expressions, or by making any new demands on your body.  

Here is how:

• Move your body differently with a quick power shift move (a deliberate, forceful, unhesitating movement). Jump up and down. Run in place. Clap or throw your hands in the air, like you’re cheering at a concert. Slap your chest (be careful, ladies). Pump your fists. These kinds of body movements release tension and cause an immediate shift of emotion.

• Use your voice by speaking something more rapidly, with more volume, from a deeper place in your chest than usual.  Try shouting, “YES!” or “NO!”, some kind of positive affirming declaration, or just making a BIG sound. 

• Put the two together, movement and sound, for an even more powerful and immediate shift.

GET THE CHECKLIST HERE!

Awaken The Hero–Your Adventure Awaits!